Aug 28, 2006

I Just Want The World To Know That I'm Brave And Hurting

The nice thing about meeting new people is it's a chance to re-invent yourself. Moving is even better. I'm kind of glad that I have no close friends nearby these days...nobody knows me well enough to think it odd that I'm constantly inviting people over, going out of my way to converse with people, introducing myself to people and all of these very very brave things. I’ve been so brave. I’m an instigator of activities. I’m one of those that everybody knows. I’m a social leader in the small world of my single’s ward. I deserve your applause, thank you.

Except that it’s just me pretending to be brave when I’m actually just lonely out of my wits. I say to myself that I haven’t dealt with loneliness enough in my life that I can possibly dislike it. But it’s a lie. I don’t like it. And the trouble is (warning: an overused attempt at depth is upon us) surrounding myself with people doesn’t make me feel any less alone.

But I'm being brave and staying busy. It's not really that bad; I just like to be dramatic about it. Because another nice thing about this situation is I can cry as verbally as I want when I'm sad...there's nobody around to ask me what's wrong.

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