Jan 31, 2007

Gallbladder Surgery

Yesterday my father went to the doctor for some testing and it turns out he has gallstones. I just found out that he'll be going in for surgery tonight to have his gallbladder removed. Please keep him in your prayers.

I'll admit, I didn't even know exactly what gallstones were until this afternoon. If anyone else is in the dark, here's the Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallstone and some charming images:

That does not look like fun.

I've heard that you can make jewelry out of gallstones...I wonder if he gets to keep them afterwards.

State of the Union Bingo

Several people (meaning three, but that's a fair enough amount) have asked about State of the Union Bingo. Below is the list of the items we had on the bingo sheets. The ones in quotes had to be said exactly, the non-quotes are various odds and ends that are pretty self-explanatory. Most of the these were hit by the end of the speech (due to some serious research on my part I'll have you know: looking at older State of the Union addresses and what different analysts predict he'll speak about and such...it was not the most productive day I've ever worked), though some weren't and nobody got a blackout. It was a good way to spend an evening, and I intend to make it an annual event.

  • "social security"
  • "God bless America"
  • "War on Terror"
  • joke
  • camera shot of Laura Bush
  • "Iraq"
  • mention of a European nation
  • "education"
  • camera shot of Condi Rice
  • "Saddam Hussein"
  • "regime"
  • "AIDS"
  • "health care"
  • camera shot of Harry Reid
  • "troops"
  • mention of a former president
  • "children"/"child"
  • "Africa"
  • heartwarming story about Iraq
  • "liberty"/"liberties"
  • booing
  • "partisanism"/"bipartisanism"/"partisan"/"bipartisan"
  • pronunciation/grammatical error
  • "September 11th"/"September the 11th"/"9-11"
  • "tax/taxes"
  • "gas prices"/"gasoline prices"/"price of gas"/"price of gasoline"/"price of oil"/"oil prices"
  • attack on the Dems
  • camera shot of Barack Obama
  • camera shot of John McCain
  • someone touches their face
  • someone cries
  • "stay the course"/"staying the course"/"stayed the course"
  • "North Korea"
  • camera shot of John Kerry
  • mention of God outside of the phrase "God bless America"
  • "Israel"
  • "Middle East"
  • Nancy Pelosi smug smile
  • camera shot of Hillary Clinton
  • standing ovation from both parties
  • "immigration"
  • "Iran"
  • camera shot of John Edwards
  • camera shot of Ted Kennedy
  • mention of the First Lady
  • "Medicare"
  • "unemployment"

Jan 27, 2007

Those Lies That Parents Tell

Between my cousin's wedding luncheon and reception yesterday I took some of my younger cousins out of the hair of their parents who were trying to put up decorations and to the Monte L. Bean Life Science Museum here on campus. There was, of course, one little girl who was very upset with all the dead animals. That was me as a child (and to some extent me now, to be honest), so I understood completely and was ready with the lie that my mother had told me many a time, "All the animals here died peacefully of old age."

I remember quite specifically the day in my early elementary school days when I worked up the courage to ask my parents what sex was. It was something kids talked about in whispered tones, so of course it was quite intriguing. They told me it was whether you were a boy or a girl. Now that wasn't necessarily a lie, but it's evasive, nonetheless. I left the conversation confused because it always sounded like something you do.

Jan 24, 2007

The Coworkers

I'm a very different person than the majority of my coworkers. Sometimes I'm a bit of a snob about this and I'm trying to work on that. Because every once in a while one of them surprises me with a talent or a piece of intelligence or a good observation on something and I feel ashamed at my general superiority complex. And I'm definitely not the best when it comes to my job. I'm not a bad collector because I'm impeccably organized and generally hard working, but I'm a total pushover, so I'll never be one of the best.

About a month ago I remember a group of them crowed around the computer looking at pictures of present and former inmates on the Utah County jail website. "He's cute." "Adam looks like such a dork in that picture." "I think mine looks hot in his picture." After a second of eavesdropping, I realize that they're looking up their present and former husbands and boyfriends. And all of them had someone that had been in jail before. Not fair. I'm pretty sure I've never had a boyfriend who's been in jail.

When I bring up school there are a few who always tell me how jealous they are. "Do you think I want to be working here for the rest of my life?" "I wish I could've finished school but I got pregnant and the little ones have to come first don't they?" "It's always been out of my budget to think about college." And I think of what a moron I am sometimes to waste this precious time I have of being fairly independant and able to get a proper education. Even though I really don't like school, it certainly beats the alternative.

One of my first weeks at the job and I remember hearing one of the girls who I'd pretty much dismissed as an idiot singing along to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and she knew all the lyrics. I don't care who you are, you have to look up the lyrics to that song and spend some time with them to know all the lyrics, as they're pretty indecipherable at just a casual listen. I know it's a ridiculous little thing, but I decided I ought to have more respect for her then and there.

We have a mutual understanding about who each other are and are okay with it, though. Sometimes I'll go outside during smoke breaks and I always get offered a cigarette in jest and it's a nice relationship we have.

Coworker: Andrea, you ought to come clubbing with us one of these nights, I've totally gotten in people under 21 before.
Me: Haha, no thanks, not really my thing.
Coworker: Just thought I'd ask.
Me: But you're welcome to come over and play State of the Union Bingo with me tonight instead.
Coworker: Haha, no thanks, not really my thing.
Me: Just thought I'd ask.

And yes, State of the Union Bingo was the activity of the evening last night. It was a good time.

Jan 22, 2007

Cecil O. Samuelson does the 80s

By all accounts, the 80s party was a success. Seventy people crammed into our living and dining rooms dancing to Michael Jackson or singing "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" at the top of their lungs equals a good time in my book.

One of my favorite features was the posters we created of Cece and put up in the living room.
Cecil O. Samuelson's short-lived career as a member of a hair band:
Cecil O. Samuelson hangs out with the ninja turtles:
Cecil O. Samuelson and Oliver North testify before the Senate Iran Contra committee:
Cecil O. Samuelson guest stars on The Cosby Show:

Jan 19, 2007

looking/smelling/feeling good

Yes, today I'm wearing a purple misshapen sweatshirt that I've had since 9th grade, unwashed hair in a braid, and jeans. Accompanied by Burberry London perfume and diamond earrings. I mostly do it to drive Emilee nuts. ("You are not wearing Burberry with that sweatshirt!").

I do not like how the word "misshapen" looks at all when written. It's a good word, nicely descriptive, but the double 's' when one of them makes the "sss" sound and the other makes the "shhh" sound is horrible. I always feel like that word ought to be "mis-shapen" or really "mis-shaped" would be even better because "shaped" is far more of a word than "shapen".

It has been very cold of late. I can't decide how I feel abot it; I really don't like being cold, but I really like dressing for cold weather. When it's hot I feel the opposite. I like the warmth. I feel comfortable in 100+ degree weather easily. But I hate summer clothes.

And a quick plug for the 80s party or your life. Tomorrow night. Be there.

"Mis-shapely" would also be do-able, but, for the record, I'm against adjectives that end in "ly", which ought to be reserved for the realm of adverbs.

Jan 16, 2007

Three fairly unrelated thoughts concerning Denver, CO

1) My brother Jared got his mission call a couple weeks ago. He's headed to the Denver, Colorado, South mission (it's the green one on the map), reporting to the MTC late February. We're all excited and proud of him. It'll be a cool place to go on a mission. The majority of people in the western states have at least one Mormon friend/relative/neighbor/coworker, which will make it harder/easier than a lot of places people serve. And he's going to be cold.

2) Most people don't know this, but I was going to move to Denver last summer. Sometimes I wish I had. But not too often. Life plans are so odd.

3) Last week the Dems picked Denver over New York for their '08 convention. It seems like a smart move to me, most of their big names are from the east and they need to be a party for the whole nation. Or it could just be because marijuana is legal in Denver.

Jan 13, 2007


Just had a nice little moment in our office: Celeste yells, "Oh my gosh, I forgot all about this song! Listen!" and turns up the radio for the world to hear "Mmmbop, dubi da di, boodop, shoobi da bi, doowop..." (and yes, that's definitely just me making up what it sounds like to me) (the embarrassing part is I actually looked up several versions of the lyrics to write that, but concluded to screw that, for nothing was an accurate enough interpretation of what they were saying to satisfy me, so instead I went with the ultra-accurate method of typing whatever I sang to myself as I tried to recreate the sounds that I have only heard maybe twice in the last several years of my life). We all sing along and laugh at how ridiculous it is and then resume our job of ruining people's lives.

Good ol' Hanson. All of my friends thought they were sooo hot and I always pretended I did, too. The Andrea of 1997 was definitely a huge conformist, you see. In my heart I knew I was living a lie. If I was honest with myself, I knew that they kind of made me sick because they looked like women. But that wasn't as important as agreeing with Jenny and Gina and Claire. And maybe Audrey...she was probably my favorite friend, but I don't remember what her opinion was on Hanson. We were preoccupied with more important matters. Such as dressing up her cats in costumes. Or building an amusment park for my cat's kittens.

Those were good years, though. I remember dancing around Jenny Wheaton's house with "MMMBop" on repeat. I have three memories of Jenny Wheaton's house: 1) listening to Hanson/The Spice Girls/TLC, 2) that one time I spent the night and we watched this documentary on Bigfoot and I didn't sleep for two months afterwards because it was terrifying, and 3) playing with her cat. The cat was named AC, which stood for something, but when I rack my brain for what it was all I can think of is Anderson Cooper.

I must admit..."MMMBop" is horribly catchy. I'll have this stuck in my head for the rest of the day minimum.

And those lyrics! So moving!

"Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose.
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows."

Okay, so not so much....

And whoever thought this up is a genius: Best Fundraiser Idea Of All Time

Jan 9, 2007

Quote Boards: Freshman and Sophomore Years

At the request of an old roommate, I've pulled out the old lists off the quote boards of years past, and have listed them here for your viewing pleasure:

Freshman Year

“If I’m kissing anything it’s going to be myself!”

“We have proverbs…like, don’t catch your chickens before they lay their eggs.”

“I’m breeding profusely!”

“That’s not my ferret!”

“You are NOT a subtle seductress.”

“It’s not like I would enjoy picking my friend’s wedgie.”

“It’s just the force of friction was greater than anticipated.”

“It would hurt to give birth to an elephant.”

“I’m so proud of myself! I kept my clothes on the entire time he was over here!”

"I'm going to culture you with my repitoire...BLECH"

“Let’s think about a killer whale tongue.”

“I want your vomit!”

“German shepherd pie!”

“He doesn’t wear anything…and I like that.”

“My tongue…I just want you to feel it.”

“I’ll do anything for money”

“Twist, twist, breathe.”

“I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anybody…In my dreams, one leg is shorter than the other!”

“You wear underwear for warmth?”

“He’s madly in love with you, but he’s afraid of your face.”

“You freakin’ make me pee!”

“So we were dancing like this…except you have boobs and he doesn’t.”

“I could never tell him that I have skin in my journal!”

“Today my zipper was partway down…I thought of you!”

“It would be weird to be the parent of a kid whose teacher was a belly dancer.”

“You’re in 10th grade?”

“I never touched him…except when I dressed him.”

“My underwear always gets me…I have to stop peeing my pants three times a day.”

“Wait, I only got one nostril!”

“I have nothing to kiss with.”

“So at Winter Ball…” “So, is that in the summer?”

“Drugs are good for you, they make you feel good.”

“And then a llama bit me. The end. Amen.”

“So, what gross things are growing on your body?”

“Where’s your butt?” “That’s me knee!”

“He’s kind of curvy…he has a butt.”

“Stop hogging all the kisses!”

Sophomore Year

"Okay, so roommate rule number one: No naked yoga."

"'Strumming my pain with his fingers...that line just speaks to me." "You know what line speaks to me? 'Lend me some sugar; I am your neighbor!'"

"My sister is like a cocker spaniel...water goes straight through her."

"Do you have really big feet for a short person?"

"So what are you guys talking about?" "Sex." "Oh! That's what my dad does for a living!"

"Vietnam isn't above South Korea...What ARE you??!!"

"I hate having a conscience."

"That would be weird if you were a Muggle."

"Until it's time to DTR, take advantage of..." "The free meals?"

"Humans can lick hands, too."

"It's doctrine! Our New Testament proffessor said a 25-year-old could be a grandma!"

"If I had to wear diapers all the time would you change me?"

"Well this is progressing, as they would say in the Progressive Era of the United States."

"My hair is the most useless thing on the planet." "Have you never heard of Lil' Bow Wow?"

"Did someone in this apartment call 9-1-1?"

"It was an erotic high-five."

"Since I don't have a husband, my sheets shouldn't stink."

"Wow, it looks like they are preparing for a genesis."

"Can you tell I'm flexing my butt?" "You're pinching! You're pinching!"

Oh those were the days. Laughs heaved, slips of the tongue produced, good times had by all. I'm tempted at this point to put up what's on the current quote board, but will hold off until the end of the year to have a complete list. Also I don't already have a list typed out like I did with these, and let's just be honest and admit that I'm way too lazy today to do that kind of labor.

"I'm not living. I'm just killing time."

A great line from a great song by a great band.

And I really need to figure out what I want to do with my life. While I enjoy everything I do, I don't really like it. I'm not content. It's probably just one of those days, but "those days" happen too often for my liking. Honestly, what am I doing? As much as I try to care about school, it's never going to be that important to me. We all know I'm not into my job. And that's really all I do, there are no significant side projects in my life. I know it's unrealistic to expect a life where I'm passionate about everything I do, but I want to care about something I'm doing.

Jan 4, 2007

A Christmas Leftover

My little brother Kevin sings the lyrics to Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer like so: "You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for Grandpa and I, we believe."

It's so cute that I never had the heart to tell him that the song's original "Grandpa and me" actually is grammatically correct.