Oct 3, 2006

If Only...

If I could have any occupation in the world, I would be a dancer, a writer, or a musician. You can tell my period's going to start any second now because I've just been crying through the BYU devotional featuring a bunch of our dance ensembles. Crying because I wish I could express myself by dancing. I'm honestly jealous. When I watch good dancers, all I can ever think is: "What have I been doing with my life? I should've dedicated myself to dance long ago!" And of course the same thing happens to me when I'm reading a great work of literature ("Why am I not slaving over the next great American novel right this second? I need to get to work!") or watching/listening to a great musician perform ("Why did I stop piano lessons in 8th grade? I need to re-learn piano and flute and take up guitar and violin and french horn pronto!").

I'm not especially good at just saying how I feel, but it's better to be able to show it with movement or music or written words that are supposedly about other people anyway. It's a more ambiguous way to express, and feelings are such ambiguous things that describing them directly with spoken words never feels sufficient.

I could be a dancer, though, right? I have a good sense of rhythm. And I'm not too short and my boobs are small enough. Sure I can't touch my toes or run a mile without being very out of breath, but I can work on the flexibilty and endurance and strength. Why did I not continue with ballet after 5th grade? Whyyyyyy? This is how I feel about it::

1 comment:

kario said...

I used to feel the same way. I actually got a physical ache when I went to the ballet. So I signed up for an adult ballet class and it turned out to be really disappointing. I was not as flexible as I had been as an 8-year-old and everything seemed a lot harder. I quit and decided to do something else. Hope you find your outlet. Maybe it will be your blog ;-)