Argus Hamilton

Here's a column I read often: http://argushamilton.com/argus.htm. He tends to repeat his jokes, but for the most part they're pretty funny and any site that can get me to laugh from time to time and updates daily is worth reading. A few treasures:

John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth began a poverty tour across America Monday to highlight their concern for the poor. They are visiting people with no money and no hope. Their first stop was at John McCain's presidential campaign headquarters.

President Bush held a teleconference with his generals from the Roosevelt Room in the White House Friday. He told them the war can be won and must be won. Even worse, he now refers to the stairs leading up to the living quarters as San Juan Hill.

Tom Cruise was honored by the Museum of the Moving Image in New York Thursday, where he gave a gracious speech. He defended his religion and thanked his parents for all their sacrifices. Each evening they kill a chicken in front of his photograph.

The Weather Channel said Tuesday that temperatures in New York hit one hundred degrees. The heat and humidity combined with the flies and mosquitoes to triple the Misery Index. Thousands of cab drivers and street venders nearly died of homesickness.

Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff said Tuesday he has a gut feeling that al-Qaeda is about to attack the U.S. this summer. The administration no longer claims to have secret intelligence. They just stand there and dare Congress to subpoena their intestines.