Nov 12, 2011

Twenty-five

On Monday, I will turn 25. I think this is the first birthday where I've felt a little bummed about getting older. To me, 25 marks when you're really not a kid anymore. And yes, this means a magical drop in my car rental and insurance rates, but is that really worth the fact that I'll likely never be better-looking than I am at this point in my life? And the fact that it's no longer an appropriate age to have still not committed to any sort of semblance of a life plan?

My parents had college degrees and three kids at 25. My dad was working for the same institution he does now. Their life was pretty much set. I know it's a grass-is-greener thing and people tied to careers and families and mortgages envy the freedom of people like me, but I definitely envy the stability of people who've figured out where they want to be and are putting down roots. And the sense of fulfillment that I imagine comes with working towards something.

Growing up, I always figured I'd do the stereotypical Mormon housewife thing when I was older. It's worked for a lot of women that I admire, but turns out it's not my thing. I didn't admit it to myself at the time, but I definitely lived the sad cliche of going to BYU to get married. That's how you fail out like I did, kids.

So I got married and realized having babies sounds exhausting and expensive and is such a tremendous commitment and here we are. I never really knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. So I'll just grow up and be nothing and then die.

Not that being nothing is all that bad, I suppose. I have a job that I'm okay at and allows us to live comfortably enough. We have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs and clothes on our backs and still can go out and do fun things on a regular basis. It'd be nice to have a car again and maybe nice to own a house and/or have children and/or go back to school someday, but I'm still young enough to worry about those things later, right? I'm still a kid until at least 26, yes?

8 comments:

M said...

We feel exactly the same about kids. Except I thought I wouldn't want them at all, and now I want them but think it would be exhausting and expensive and a huge commitment.
Also, you should grow up and do things you like and die instead of growing up, making yourself do things you hate and then dying. Happiness should be the goal overall, I think.

A. Sparkle said...

Happy Early Birthday! :) At the age of 25 you definitely still have time to decide on what you want to do and what you want out of life. There is no schedule that tells you when things have to happen... and it's never to late to learn/try something new. Just sit back and enjoy life and do what makes you the most happy.

better suited for a fictional world said...

i turned 31 last month. when i ask myself if this is where i thought i would be at 31, the answer is no. but then, when i really think about it, as a kid/teenager, i don't know that i ever thought beyond the next couple months. selfish and short-sighted? yes. that's youth. and the upside is that everything continues to be a surprise. good and bad.

a lot of people i know are married, own homes, have kids, and have careers. i'm married, and have a career - of sorts. but sometimes i'm jealous of the people i know. when i write my rent check every month i think, well, there's 800 bucks toward someone else's mortgage. but then the water heater breaks and i turn into a college kid and thank my lucky stars that it's not my problem.

sometimes i really wish we could have kids. it feels like the right time, but my husband is in school (again), so it would be really, spectacularly irresponsible. i mean, i do some pretty irresponsible stuff, but usually an innocent child doesn't feel the impact from it. last month, i flew all the way to san diego to watch ghostbusters in the movie theater with two of my friends. see? irresponsible. but no one was hurt but my wallet, and maybe my husband, who ate takeout the whole weekend. i don't regret that for a second. and it wouldn't have been possible if i'd taken the more traditional path for a 31 year old.

so, the moral of the story is that maybe taking the backseat isn't bad, because it gives you a chance to look around. maybe you need to wander without direction in order to find a direction?

don't worry about it. just let what happens, happen, and you won't have any regrets. and happy birthday!

mom said...

You are still a kid until age 26? Dad and I are still kids at age 47 (especially Dad)! We are still figuring it out, trying to figure out who we are and what we want to be. Enjoy each day where you are. Keep moving forward! Love you!

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Kimberley said...

25 is so young and you have so much ahead of you. I am 52 and I still don't feel like I'm grown up! I still don't know what I want to be. The fun is in the every day discovery of who you are and who you want to be. You are just a kid. Now, that husband of yours is old! It's a mental thing! Love ya!

atomicgirl said...

Happy belated Bday! Just wait until you're 30. I'm going to be 32 in Jan. I have nothing in common with 21 year olds. My husband's parents are awesome to party with. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
The good thing about this all, is we go on fun trips and spend a lot of money at the bar and we still can pay the mortgage.

Cassie said...

I didn't even get married until 26 so I would say you are ahead of the game, but then again I have always thought you to be ahead of the game.