Quick Personal Update

Move to LA postponed or cancelled due to unexpected financial factors. Possibly moving to Denver as an opportunity has arisen there. I'm not waiting around for possible moves to get going on school anymore and am blowing a fair chunk of our "move to LA" funds on tuition/books instead. Doing more online classes throughout the spring/summer and starting full-time with brick-and-mortar classes at SLCC in the fall. Rocking it so far. Hoping it pays off.

Goes to the Movies 2013

This probably should've been a late-December/early-January post, because it's the sort of thing that bloggers do around New Year's, but you're getting it now, because awards season made me think to do it. Also, I've only recently watched a couple of these, so while they came out in 2013, I wasn't prepared to list until now.

I've seen fifteen films that came out in 2013. I don't think I've ever seen so many recent movies in my life, but lately it's become a frequent date night for Trevor and I to go to the movies. I think I want to keep up on that tradition. Watching movies at the theater is fun and walking home and discussing what we watched with my husband is even more fun.

Below I have a ranking of how much I enjoyed each film. I've tried to be very honest about my own enjoyment level and not let critical opinion sway my judgement. Mild spoilers might be involved.

15. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - I'm not a book purist. Film and books are different mediums and if you want to add things or change things, that's fine with me. I'm not going to get uppity like some of my nerd friends. But when you're obviously just adding things because Warner Bros said that you need to make The Hobbit story stretch across three films, I'm going to be upset. Especially when what you're adding is chase scene after chase scene after chase scene. Best part was Legolas telling Kate they have to go back to the Lost island.

14. Man of Steel - If I never see another superhero movie again, I'd probably be just fine.

13. Pacific Rim - Some cool visuals and mildly cool concept, but otherwise meh. I'm not the target demographic for robots fighting monsters.

12. Star Trek: Into Darkness - It seems like I kind of liked this film, but I don't remember anything about it. I like Star Trek in general, but nothing about this movie seems to have stuck with me. Star Trek is best when it's about the exploring characters and philosophy, leaving the action sequences to a minimum. I don't think that's what this film did.

11. 12 Years a Slave - The acting was superb and I loved the attention to historical accuracy. However, I never really felt pulled into the story. It's one of those movies where you pretty much know exactly what's going to happen at every step. But let's not criticize this film, because that somehow makes you a racist.

10. American Hustle -I was excited to see this film. The critical acclaim was massive (though there has been some backlash now after all of it's freaking Oscar nominations, and rightfully so). Maybe I was expecting too much or maybe I'm missing something, but it wasn't a good movie. It had too many protagonists, none of which I really wanted to cheer for because they were terrible people. Only Jennifer Lawrence's character was terrible in a fun way to watch. Everyone else was just selfish and horrible and I wanted them off the screen. The only two characters I truly liked  were Louis C.K.'s who didn't get enough screen-time, and Amy Adam's cleavage who unfortunately always shared the screen with Amy Adam's character.

9. Gravity - It was really neat to watch. A lot of neat visuals. But the plot was basically "Sandra Bullock's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day", and there's only so much of that you need in your life.

8. We're the Millers - I know putting a silly comedy like this one above Oscar nominees makes me a terrible person, but we're being honest here. The plot relied on way too many coincidences for me to be truly satisfied, but there were quite a few laugh-out-loud moments. And that Will Poulter is going to be a big star, you watch. Very funny kid.

7. Elysium - While there were, admittedly, some flaws, I liked the overall premise of this movie. I think about it sometimes when income-inequality comes up, and I always like when something adds to my conception of ideas. While there was a lot of action and I'm not really an action fan, there was plenty of politics and emotion and all that. And I like that the main guy and the main girl had a really deep connection but weren't love interests.

6. The Great Gatsby - I know this one got mixed critical reviews, but I loved it. The story of The Great Gatsby is undoubtedly great, and the portrayal was decent, but I would've loved this even if it was nothing but Leo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan walking around in 20s costumes surrounded by 20s architecture/furniture and nothing happened at all. I'm super fond of the aesthetic of that decade. This was all about the visual spectacle and I enjoyed every second of it, anachronisms and all.

5. The Wolf of Wall Street - And on the subject of Leo DiCaprio playing some rich dude, this one was pretty good as well. It was also about the visual spectacle for me, something about watching excess makes me excited and sad in a way that is both fluffy fun and emotionally satisfying. I'm sure a lot of people watching this film thought all that money/cocaine/hookers looked like an ideal life, but man that would stress me out. If I was ever that filthy rich, I'd read books in an endlessly warm bathtub every day and go to a party like once every other month. In other news, I like Jonah Hill more with every film.

4. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues - I liked this a lot better than the first Anchorman, actually. Not because it was actually better, I'm sure, but because my comedic tastes have become a lot more okay with this kind of wackiness over the years (I'm sure part of this can be attributed to my husband and our many improv comedy friends).

3. Blue Jasmine - The plot had a number of surprises for such a simple story. Plenty of laughs, too, in the "this is so true to life" or the "this is such a unique character" kind of way, not the jokey kind of way, which is often the humor that sticks with you longer. Every single character had that superb balance of likeablity and unlikeability that is the hallmark of very good writing and acting.

2. This is the End - Laughed the whole way through. It looked like the actors had a lot of fun making it, which is always a plus to me, especially in comedy (this also can definitely be said for Anchorman 2). The Backstreet Boys cameo at the end was the happiest I have ever been in my life.

1. Her - This will definitely be the movie that sticks with me the longest. I think about it quite frequently, as the themes of the film touch on so many themes of real life: relationships, technology,  what makes us human, where are we going as a human race, etc. I happened to have just finished Jeff Hawkin's On Intelligence when I watched this film, so the differences between humans and computers was already very much on my mind and the ideas of film fit so nicely into a lot of the things that I've been very interested in lately. Also, the set and costume design was impressive in its portrayal of the not-particularly-distant future. I also liked the optimism of the whole thing. I can think of very few films set in the future that aren't dystopian. I could see a million other stories that would fit into the setting created for this film, and that made the slice of that world that we did see feel very full-formed. Just plain a well-done film.

Mormon Money

Conversation #1

Relative (driving into my apartment complex): Do many LDS people live here?
Me: Yeah, some.
Relative (gesturing at the nicer apartments across the way): Probably more live over in these, huh?
Me: Yeah, probably.

Conversation #2

Me (talking to friend from out of state): Well going out on Sundays is always a little funny because places are filled with non-Mormons, you know?
Friend: Uh, not really. Everywhere I go everyday is filled with non-Mormons.
Me: Oh, I guess that's true. But in these parts it's only like white trash and immigrants that shop on Sundays.

Analysis

I don't know if the idea extends outside of Utah or not, but there is definitely a preconception that Mormons tend to skew wealthier than the rest. I haven't seen any statistics that back the idea up, and I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't even true, but it's definitely a stereotype that I recently realized I inadvertently hold to.

Possible factors:

• Most of the big business leaders in Utah are naturally Mormon because they're a group that's been around longer. When I think of most of the places I've worked since living here, the owner of the company is usually LDS and the peons on my level usually aren't.
• Mitt Romney. The first two things many think of when they he's brought up are 1) Rich, 2) Mormon.
• The emphasis on appearance in LDS culture. Especially in Utah, there seems to be a lot of pressure in the Mormon circles to always be well-dressed/well-groomed, have a clean/nice house, etc. This reads as wealthier even if it isn't necessarily actually wealthier.
• The Book of Mormon is chock full of examples of "when you are a righteous people, you are a wealthy people". This is possibly part of why there is the emphasis on appearance. It also is possibly part of why this state is very friendly to the pursuit of wealth, both culturally and politically.
• The nicest parts of downtown Salt Lake are church-owned. The nicest shopping center in the state (City Creek) is church-owned.
• Emphasis on education in the church. Education statistically equals money, and there is a push in the church toward learning that goes back to the very early days. "The glory of God is intelligence" and the School of the Prophets and all that. One of the only two "good" schools in Utah is church-owned, and the other is State-of-Utah-owned, which sometimes feels like it might as well mean church-owned.
• The way the church hierarchy and ordinance structure is set up is very goal-oriented. Always gotta get to the next level. In this way, the LDS mindset is from a very young age trained to a model that translates to the business world nicely.
• Brigham Young. More than anyone, this guy had the vision that Utah's power would be self-reliant business: ZCMI, railroads, sending people on steel missions/cotton missions, etc. The very foundation of this state is very money-oriented, and it's the families that come from that old tradition (the Mormons) that seem the most immersed in that tradition.

Regardless, I think I'm pretty okay with moving out of this state to a place where not being LDS doesn't have a stigma that you live in a trailer park.

It would also be nice to live somewhere where living in a trailer park doesn't have a stigma that you're uneducated, dirty, and on drugs, but this is America.

Moving Update

For those curious about where the moving to LA thing is at:

• Barring any unexpected financial catastrophe that causes us to push back the date, we're leaving Provo on March 7th.
• My last day of work will be February 28th. I don't hate my job, but I can't help but count down the days every time I'm there, excited to get out. Mostly because I'm still naive enough to think that whatever job I end up working in LA will be better.
• Between my last day of work and our moving day, I'll be doing a trip out to California to pin down an apartment and pick up my parent's large van, which we are using in lieu of a moving truck because even with the gas to drive it to Utah and back, it's the most economical option. Especially since we don't have that much stuff that's coming with us.
• We'll be buying a car in Utah just a few days before moving so that we only have to register it in CA, but can still use it to drive out there.
• I keep browsing TMZ street pictures. Not because I love "celebs are just like us!" crap, but because I like seeing how little clothing those celebs in LA are wearing even though it's January. Makes me excited about the weather in our future.
• I'm feeling kind of drawn to the Franklin Village area, followed by North Hollywood, followed by East Hollywood. But I'm waiting until I'm actually out there to really commit to living anywhere.
• Sometimes I lie to people about why we're moving (not people I care about, just like acquaintances and strangers who it happens to come up with) because "My husband is going to go become a famous actor/comedian!" is embarrassingly cliche, and you can see in their eyes that they don't believe it'll ever work out for you.
• We have a lot of really great friends and family who are super supportive and encouraging of this crazy thing. And while I'm a obviously a believer in the dream myself, I worry about disappointing them. It'll likely be years of the struggling-LA-actor grind before anything happens. If anything happens. I know Trevor feels that weight on his shoulders much worse than I do, so I try not to bring it up. But really, we have nothing to lose. We don't have kids to move or illustrious careers we're leaving behind or anything.
• I'm mostly just excited. I never wanted to settle down in Utah. I want to try life in the city. Trevor's excited to get more training and perform for a whole different audience and prove his talent in an improv scene that takes itself more seriously than anything here.
• I'll try to pin down a job while I'm out on my apartment hunting expedition. We have enough money saved that I won't have to get a job immediately before we starve, but I'd rather not use up all of our savings, if possible. I feel really confident that I should be able to find something quickly, because I've never really struggled with finding work in the past. Though I do realize LA is a completely different sort of place from Utah Valley. So hopefully that doesn't become a nightmare.
• At one point in the movie Her, Joaquin Phoenix runs through a space which I recognized as the metro station at Hollywood and Western by the tile on the walls. When he exits, he is at the beach. This made me upset because the intersection of Hollywood and Western is nowhere near the beach. Two realizations came out of this: 1) Once I'm a seasoned LA resident and know the city really well, I'm probably going to start noticing things like this all the time in film/TV and nobody's going to ever want to watch anything with me again. 2) I might be over-researching certain aspects of this move. I've never been to the metro station at Hollywood and Western. But I recognized it instantly. Because I've looked at apartment complexes in that area and wanted to see if the station looked nice. I could tell you what the inside of grocery stores in some of the areas we might live look like. This isn't helpful info. But I have to keep looking into every little thing. The internet was made for people like me.

I will turn 27 this week

I'm So Old

• I enjoy reading the nitty-gritty paperwork on health care plans, credit card applications, etc.
• When making long-term plans for my life, I have to take into consideration how many years of fertility I have left.
• I think about wrinkles more than I think about zits when I'm worrying over my face.
• My next vehicle purchase will likely be a minivan (though this has to do with having a husband in a wheelchair than the usual reason of "kids").
• I have to make a point of exercising and eating well. My body actually cares now.
• If I stay up too late one night, I feel it for days. My body actually cares now.
• I don't care if you think I'm lame.

I'm So Young

• I get really excited by innovation in music, fashion, film, food, etc. Even when it's dumb innovation. I just like different.
• I want to be a neuroscientist/fashion designer/historian/comedy writer when I grow up.
• I still use the phrase "when I grow up." Also "when I'm rich someday."
• When presented with a new technological gadget or application, I figure it out quickly and thoroughly enjoy exploring new features.
• I think I'm smarter than most of the people I interact with in a ridiculous immature teenager kind of way.
• Farts make me laugh.
• I don't care if you think I'm weird.

Alternative

We've been listening to an Alt Rock station on the radio at work the last couple weeks. It's a nice break from the Top 40 stuff we'd been listening to for months before that. I don't have a problem with Top 40, but variety is nice.

• Some of the people I work with are very young. "Did they just say 'If you want to destroy my sweater'? That's a weird line.", "Who's Kurt Cobain?", "Haha, did you hear that line 'I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me'? Pretty funny.", etc.
• As 30 Seconds to Mars sings "Lost in the City of Angels...The land of a billion lights",  I stop to think. Hmm, a billion seems high, let's see the population of LA is what like 4 million? [quick search] Okay, 3.8 million, so that's [quick calculation] 263 lights per person. Definitely too high. How many lights do I have as a person? I can see 1...2...3...okay, nineteen lights from where I'm sitting. And if you count all the lights in my house, it's probably another twenty. And that's counting little lights like the little blinking light on my computer here. But a lot of those lights are shared with other people, so I can't count them as personally mine, but even if I did, that's way too low. If every person had 40 lights that would be [quick calculation] 152 million, which is way short of a billion. Oh, and I guess there are street lights and headlights, but that can't make up that big of a difference. Holy cow, how long have I been thinking about this? I should get back to work. Oh wait! Christmas lights! Okay, if you count every light on a string of Christmas lights there are way more than a billion in Los Angeles. Some of them might only be on at certain times of the year, but fine, 30 Seconds to Mars, you win this one. And really we could safely assume they mean the Greater Los Angeles Metro Area instead of the specific city limits and that has [quick search], whoa like 17 million people. Okay, so you totally win, I'm sorry I ever judged you. What was I doing again, work-wise?
• I don't understand what the term Alt Rock can possibly mean in regard to modern music. Is there any current rock band that you wouldn't label "alternative"? I can't think of any. But what's it an alternative to? The rock music of the 70s and 80s? Can you really call that alternative when the other stuff is ancient history (pop culture-wise)?

New Plan

Actually an old plan, but newly cemented as definitely happening. We are moving to Los Angeles this winter (likely around February). For the old reason of "I'm going to go be a star!", while trying very hard not to succumb to the embarrassment of cliché. We're being practical about it. As practical as one can be about pursuing an acting/comedy career. Which is not very.

We're finally in a financial situation (barring any unforeseen events, of course) where the move will be possible, and while we've been talking about moving for a while now, Trevor is truly at the point now where he's ready for it to happen.

He'll be doing improv and possibly sketch classes through UCB and Groundlings and we'll kind of see how things go from there. I think he's excited to continue perfecting his craft with much higher level training than he'd ever be able to get here. And he's excited to be associating with people who are also trying to break into the industry and will hopefully have the same drive to write and perform and film. There are some very talented people here, but for most of them it's a hobby and when it really comes down to "let's set aside time to film this sketch" or whatever, it's really hard to get commitment.

I'm personally excited to be in better weather and closer to family and to live in a big city. I've never lived anywhere with more than 150,000 or so residents, but I've always felt like I'm kind of a city mouse. When I vacation in a big city, I always wish I was living there. I like the urban feel. I like being a part of a busy, crawling mass of people. Probably after a week of LA traffic, I'll realize it's not that great, but it's a city! With so much more to offer in the realm of art and food and music and fashion! If I had any money to experience it. Anyway...

We're too far out to be planning exactly where we'll be living or working, even though I really wish I could just nail that stuff down now so I don't have to stress out about it. We're tentatively looking at the East Hollywood/West Los Feliz/Thai Town area since it's close-ish to everything and fairly affordable and looks somewhat not sketchy based on what I've read and seen in pictures. We'll have to have some sort of scouting mission before really pinning anything down. North Hollywood might also be a possibility. Seems slightly less sketchy and also fairly affordable, but a little further away from Hollywood proper (where Trevor's classes will be, so we're trying to stay close, though it's not an area I think I want to live directly in). I don't know. I could ramble about LA neighborhoods quite a bit, but really don't actually know anything. Also, this is boring talk for anyone other than my two readers who are familiar with LA, so I'll shut up.

As far as work goes, I'll have to find something out there, which is the part I'm not looking forward to. We should have the money saved that we can survive two or three months while I find a job, but obviously the sooner the better. They say people going out there to act should get something with flexible hours since you never know when you'll have auditions and such, which probably means I should get something with flexible hours so that I can drive Trevor to stuff when needed. Which means I'll likely be a waitress. Which my feet will not like, but might be a nice change of pace to working in an office. I'm really tired of doing the kind of work I'm doing right now. If we weren't moving, I'd be doing everything I could to get going with college again. Because I really can't do this forever. Food service is a dead-end job as well, of course, but at least it's a different dead-end job than mine. Or, if I really luck out and can find something that pays decently enough, I would love to be a nanny. It's not usually as good of money or as flexible on the hours as waiting tables would be, so maybe not, but I really enjoy working with children and I think I'm pretty good at it. And it would be a more fulfilling job than anything else that I'm qualified for. I dunno. Rambling again.

Streamaleam

I don’t feel the need to read fiction. There are too many facts to learn in non-fiction and only so much time. Facts accumulate to knowledge, I tell myself. Of course it’s not true, but facts are easier to obtain than knowledge. So I obtain, hoping for knowledge.

The only real pleasure comes from learning. I know I’m going to die before I know anything at all, and yet I desperately read, hoping for some sort of realization.

Or reach out for new experiences. Anything at all. Habits are destruction. Walk a different route each time. Note the architecture you pass. Note the people and the posters. Notice and it’ll mean something, right? Experience is almost as good as reading. More subjective, of course, but learning. Hoping for some sort of understanding.

Hoping that understanding/realization/knowledge means I’m not going to die.

I just want to know who I am. I know there’s no answer. But if you focus on that, you’re dead for sure. There’s nothing to learn if Unobtainable isn’t out there.

I’m just going to keep getting older and then I’m going to die. That’s how it works, it seems. I’m smarter and prettier and happier and more confident and more aware now than I have ever been. But I’m twenty-six years old. Things don’t just always get better. That’s the lie they told us when we came to America. Bubbles only float because they have so little time before they burst.

I have a hard time enjoying the summer because winter is so close.

Don't take this too seriously.

Raid

I like to think of myself as a starving artist but I'm neither starving, nor an artist.

Coping with the recent cockroach infestation is easier when you have some sort of romantic mythology about it. Since freaking poison isn't doing its job.

Graduation Station

In the last ten days, two of my brothers, one of my sisters, and one of my brothers-in-law graduated from college. They're all different ages, but the timing of everybody's lives worked out that everybody finished their degrees this semester.

The most dignified graduation photo I could find of each of them.

I'm proud of each of them and excited for the bright futures they all have ahead of them. They're going out into the world to have real people jobs and everything. Weird.

But let's talk about me.

Watching these people, My People, getting College Degrees and entering the Productive American Professional Middle Class World kind of makes me want to go back to school. Though of course it's hard to know if it'd go any better than it has in the past. Based on any measure of my work ethic, the odds are fairly good that it'd be a waste of time and money. I do, however, dream of someday somehow coming into money and blowing it on school for something fun enough to be worth working my brains out. Like creative writing or costume design or neuroscience.

Until then, I'll keep working my hourly-wage job and marking "some college" when asked about my education. And despite all signs that I'm One of Them at this point, I'll keep thinking I'm better than my working-class neighbors because I read non-fiction books and use polysyllabic words sometimes. Extemporaneousness. Weltanshauungen, Rhinotillexomania. Yeah.